Empty

“I went away full, but the Lord brought me back empty.” (Ruth 1:21)

Sorry for the silence lately. This has been a crazy disorienting time for us. If you haven't heard, the Central African Republic government has been overthrown by rebels. There is now a new president in power.

Last Sunday, all the missionaries in Gamboula left our homes in a hurry. For months, rumors and news about rebels had come to us, but we thought news was all that would reach us- we were confident that the skirmish would never reach our area since we are so far from the capital. None the less, Josh and I decided that it would be wise for us to leave the country on Sunday. We were already planning to go to Cameroon for vacation and a conference with the Evangelical Covenant Church so we decided to leave a little bit earlier. The rest of the missionaries were planning on staying put in Gamboula- that was until we learned that rebels were in fact in our town. We all left on Sunday in a hurry. I will spare you all of the details, but tell you that there was a lot of nail biting and praying along the way. God delivered us safely to Cameroon after many miracles!

For the last week and a half we have been staying in paradise- Kribi, Cameroon. It is a beautiful tropical beach town. We have stayed in lovely hotels (some even with air conditioning!) and eating yummy seafood. All of this has helped to buffer the loss and confusion we are feeling right now- or at least numb it some.

Right now we are at the missionary conference. We are studying missions in the book of Ruth. Verse 21 of Ch.1 spoke to me because it echoes what I am feeling now. Naomi left full, but came back empty.

When we started this journey, we sold almost everything we had- cars, clothes, furniture, on and on. I'll be honest, I am sinful and there was a mourning of the loss of our things. We left for Africa with 9 suitcases. A week before we evacuated, we finally received the container that was sent from the States in December. We had Christmas is March! We were giddy over candles and lotions that smelled so nice, yummy candy and other goodies that were so rare and precious. Because we packed for a beach vacation with the intent on returning afterward, we left most of our things behind. Thirty minutes after we left the mission station, our house was looted- to what extent we do not know, but we do know that some of our things are gone and there is a great chance that everything will also be taken. Now we have 4 suitcases to our name.

While the loss of things has been hard for me (not so much for Josh because he has always had little need of “things”), an even greater loss has been the loss of a ministry. We were just getting to a place where we knew the language, had friends and were making strides in our ministries. Gamboula felt like home. We will stay in Kribi for 2 more weeks, but after that we do not know what we will do. We pray that we can return to CAR quickly, but that scenario is looking unlikely. Right now it feels like we do not have a home or a purpose. We are refugees and jobless. We will probably stay in Yaounde (the capital of Cameroon) for a while and help out where we can while we wait- may at the international school. If it looks like we will not be able to reenter CAR for a while, we will search for other ministry options in Cameroon or neighboring countries.

The most devastating loss is the people we left behind. As our convoy of trucks fled the country, flocks of people lined the streets and waved goodbye. They are our friends, colleagues, and ministry partners. Our hearts breaks over the unrest in their country and their unknown future. I also mourn the loss of opportunity to share the love of Christ with those that are truly lost.

So right now, I feel like Naomi that said, Do not call me Pleasant (the meaning of Naomi), call me Mara- bitter. I am bitter, raw, sad, empty, confused, disillusioned, and disoriented. I came to Africa full, but now I feel empty. But that is what I love about the Bible, there are books like Ruth and Lamentations that say it is alright to feel that way. Our God understands. He is not threatened by our asking of why.

If you know the story of Ruth, you know that Naomi is not left empty handed. Her redeemer fills her until overflowing. I cling to this. I pray for this. I wait for this- not only for me, but for my friends and neighbors in CAR.

Update on Hamadou

A few days ago, Aleta and I visited Hamadou and his mother again in the hospital. We brought some more formula and a thermos so that she can boil the water and keep it clean and not have to make a fire in the middle of the night.

To our delight, we learn that Hamadou (or Hama-dude or the Dude as I have been calling him) weighed 2.1lkg (4.62 lbs)! He has almost doubled in size. He is also nursing really well and his mother's milk is a little more productive.

Thank you for prayers for this little guy! And keep them coming as they return home soon!

Where we live

Since we moved to Gamboula 6 months ago, I wanted to post pictures of our house. Until recently, our internet was painfully too slow to do so and then when we got our high speed internet I couldn't pull myself away from Pinterest long enough to do so (just joking, kind of).

So here is your virtual tour of our house (tour of the mission to come soon- stay tuned!):

Our house-





The view from our porch-







The living room-





Our bedroom-



Charlie's bedroom





The dining room-




The kitchen

The almost son

Yesterday, I almost brought a son home! His name is Hammadou. He was born premature weighing about 2 lbs. Yesterday, Aleta and I met him and his mother. He is now 1 month old and still weighs around 2 lbs.- just skin and bone. The mother has limited milk supply which means she has to supplement with formula. This is an extremely difficult task. First, she has to buy it. A can is about $5. While that seems like nothing to us- that is 2 1/2 days wage (that is if you have a good paying job). The mother will have to find a store that sells it which might be difficult since they are nomadic and away from their village now. When she wants to make it, she has to build a fire and then boil water- yes, even in the middle of the night. Then she has to mix the formula to feed and afterwards wash the only bottle she has. Perhaps it is the difficulty of the process that has led to her only feeding the baby once a day, or maybe it was lack of knowledge since she speaks Fufulde and the nursing staff does not or maybe the lack of feedings is due to the fact that the Fulani are resigned to fate- whatever God wills will be done so there is no point worrying about it, after all she has already lost 2 babies.
Aleta and I went into full nurse educator mode! We stressed how important it was for her to feed him every 2 hours and to try to nurse as well. We got discouraged when we thought she had gone to prepare a bottle only to find her washing clothes instead. I was determined to help this baby- even if that meant taking him home with me, and in fact the baby's great aunt asked us to take him and care for him. At one point I was alone with him, trying to warm him under lamps. I sang "He has the whole world in His hands" to him. And He does- the little bitty babies as well. We prayed over him and his mother and then we gave more education and more support to his mother. Aleta went and checked on them last night and the mom was nursing Hammadou and she had also fed him 3 other times!
This morning we went to see mom and baby and to bring some warm clothes for him. One of my concerns was if he was urinating enough- if he was then he was getting enough food. To my delight, he was soaking wet when we arrived and his mom was making a bottle for him! While he has a lot of weight to put on still, I believe he and his mom are moving in the right direction. Please keep baby Hammadou and his mother in your prayers!

A Charlie update!

Here is a Charlie update!

• Oh she has been soooo much fun lately! She is talking up a storm- both in English and Sango. Her new word yesterday was "funny." Everything was funny! She is making sentences- which are usually commands- "Mommy, come." "Mommy sit." But the phrase she says 500 times a day is, "aye yigh yigh!"  

• She likes to play pretend, especially with her babies. She sings to them and puts them "night night."
•  She is obsessed with coloring and we just painted a dresser for her with chalk board paint and she colors on it all of the time. She "draws," "flowers," "bugs," and "1,2,3."

•  She is really into counting. She always gets 1, 2, and sometimes she gets 3 in the right place. When she wants some more of something, she says, "2, 2!" even after she has already had 2. or she says, "oko" which is one in Sango. She knows her vowels also- we have alphabet stickers on the wall and she says, "a, e, i, o, u"- but she says them the French way.
  
• She does things to make herself and us laugh, like the other night we were looking at a book with animals and I asked her where the elephant was. She totally knows "elephant," but she pointed to every other animal on the page and laughed and laughed when she did. She thought she was so funny. 

•  She is also so sensitive. If she thinks we have a boo-boo, she pats us and says, "k,k,k" as in "are you ok?" Then she kisses our boo boos, and then the best is when she takes both hands, puts them on our cheeks, and strokes them softly while she "shushes us." It is amazing.
  
• She is also really into cars lately. Yesterday, Josh borrowed a jeep and Charlie pretended she was driving it. She was so excited. Then a Fulani group of kids came and she wanted the baby to sit with her- her first date. Not so happy that they went parking though! 

• She loves to play with the local kids. Today, all of the kids her age and younger cried and cried when she came near them. Poor Charlie- hope she doesn't get a complex. But thankfully all of the older kids love to play with her. They pick her up and play with her like she is a doll.
  
• She is doing really well with potty training!
  
• In the last couple of weeks, toddler temper tantrums seem to have been decreasing! Praise the Lord!

• She is becoming less shy again- now she shakes the hands of Africans again. 
• She loves to pray and several times during the day she will say, "pray" and put her hands together. I then ask her what we should pray for and sometimes she will name a person or she will look around a say a thing like flowers, door, cookies, or whatever else is on her mind. 

Sitting on a death- Ash Wednesday

Today, Ash Wednesday, I "sat on a death." I went to the home of a Fulani woman whose husband had died. He was in his 30's and unexpectedly left behind 3 small children.

There is much to learn from a culture by the way they live but also by how they respond to death. While the other tribes around us wail loudly, flailing their arms about in dramatic theatrics when someone they know dies, the Fulani are reserved. They strive to be dignified. They are also hopeless and fatalistic: "What can we do? It is Allah's will."

As we sat with the women on the dirt floor of the house, my mind and heart lingered on the phrase "ash to ash and dust to dust" for today is Ash Wednesday. For my non-liturgical friends, this means it is the first day of Lent- the season of preparation before Easter.

Many of us are uncomfortable with Lent. For a long time, I looked down on it as the kind of works based practice from which Jesus has freed me. But the true emphasis of Lent is not what I can do (give up bathing, chocolate, Youtube, etc). Instead, it is preparing for the celebration of what He did. Before I celebrated Lent, Easter would often sneak up on me. I spent more time thinking of marshmallow birdies and a new dress than the awe of Easter. But before we can celebrate the resurrection, we need to remember the cross and the reason Jesus was crucified. Lent is a chance to remember the dark before the dawn. To sit with our sins. To appreciate the need for a Savior. To remember that there are still people in need of the Savior.

Really until this year, until I "sat on a death," Lent has always been about me, me, me. But as I sat with the family of a man that returned to the dust, my heart was heavy for them and our other Fulani friends that only know darkness. Oh how I pray they will come to know the joy of the Easter resurrection.

This Lent, as you reflect on Easter, please join me in praying for our Fulani friends.

A very merry Christmas

A lot of people have asked how we spent Christmas here in the Central African Republic, well I will tell you....

Yes, we had a Christmas tree! It was left over from the days when the Swedes were here. It had ornaments made from Fulani ladies/



The Sunday before Christmas, all of the missionaries sang in church. We sang in English and Sango and even had two recorders and a guitar to accompany us. Josh played drums. It was very tame compared to the normal African singing in church! In the afternoon, we went and caroled at the hospital. We also gave out soap and sardines to the patients- probably not your typical Christmas gifts, but those are things they really appreciate.

On Christmas eve, 42 missionaries gathered for a smorgasbord dinner! There was a table in every room!





On Christmas morning, I made homemade doughnuts!




Then we opened presents- mainly Charlie opened presents. We were able to get a few things here for her- mostly cheap junk,but she loved it!



When Charlie saw this bag, she pointed to Belle and said, "Mommy!'




Here she is in all of her dress up glory!



On Christmas night, all the missionaries gathered again for desserts and a white elephant exchange. I got cheese from France! SO excited about that because cheese is precious around here!
 There was a lot less hustle and bustle than usual and we missed our friends and families, but  all in all, we had a great Christmas full of fellowship, fun, and time to remember the "reason for the season."