The Animal Child

"A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."- Jerry Seinfeld

(Charlie put "her makeup on.")

So on Tuesday, I am taking my two-year-old on a 30+ hour trip across the world. Solo. In a confined space. Did I mention by myself? A two-year-old. 30+ hours.

Terrible two's. I mean something happens in the 2nd year of life that is so traumatic that there is a widely known term for two-year-olds and it involves the word "terrible." TERRIBLE.

Actually, I think it should be called the "Split personality twos." There are moments in my day with Charlie that she does something so wonderful that I look at her in all of her cuteness and pray "Oh please Lord let her never grow up." Like the other day when I told her I loved her and she squealed and said, "I am soooo happy." But to put this in perspective, this sweet exchange was proceeded by an epic tantrum in Target in which she glared at me and taunted "I want to hurt you mommy." Um, ok Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. 

So needless to say, I am a little panicky about traveling alone with my devious angel. I am even thinking of investing in one of these.


Yes, it is a child leash and I cannot get this scene from Modern Family out of my head:

 

 

But my dog/child sealed her fate today with a mad dash run around the busy Costco parking lot. My child may look like a leashed animal at the airport, but she will not: fall down the escalator, board a plane to Tahiti, or ride the baggage claim carrousel. Thank you and Amen.

 

(If you want to shoot a prayer up for my sanity on Tuesday, that would be great! We leave Atlanta at noon (Eastern time) the 3rd and arrive in Yaoundé, Cameroon at 5pm (Eastern time) on the 4th.)